A man’s point of view…

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heartI have had several emails lately from ladies wanting to know the secret of what men want.  Now this is of course a subject I could ramble on for hours about so instead I asked one of our “guy” date coaches to sum it all up for us in a short and simple manner.

From a man’s point of view…

The question of “what men want” breaks into two parts:  initially and subsequently.  So here goes:

1) Initially men are concerned about rejection.  It’s not easy being a man.  Men are expected to do the “approaching” all or most of the time, often in public in front of potentially mocking third-parties.  Every man remembers approaching a pretty little girl at his first high school dance and being shot down in front of his buddies;  or some such similar painful experience.  Male pride runs deep and strong; whether a man admits to it or not.  So, to get a man, give him a path to you with the least possibility of rejection, ALL THE WHILE NOT COMING ACROSS AS EASY, CHEAP OR A PUSH-OVER.

Once the approach/rejection part is over, a man’s usual next “want” is to know where he stands.  This is tricky.  It’s tricky because often a woman is unsure of what she wants, which means she can’t communicate to a man what’s “going on” because she may be unsure herself, wish to keep her options open or be in an emotional turmoil for other reasons. Here’s a good rule for that situation: FAKE IT! Simply put, as a woman, put together your best guesstimate of where you want the relationship to go, and communicate it simply and briefly.  You can always modify your goals later, but without communicating some direction to a man…you’re much more likely to lose him.

2) Once a relationship has started a man’s wants change drastically.

A) Men crave variety.  They’re hard wired for it.  A man sexually recovers much more quickly for a “different” woman versus the same woman for a second time.  That’s why women change their hair color, hair style and wardrobe so much more than men do.  They intuitively understand a man’s desire for variety.  What’s a girl to do?  Well, how about everything?  Change your hair style, change where you make love (location), change how you make love, change attitude, change anything and everything you can.  If you’re quiet, be a screamer. If you’re a screamer, be a soft-moaner.  If you are talkative, be quiet.  If you are a potty mouth…try soft conservative comments.

B) Be his buddy.  If he’s into carpentry, learn to swing a hammer (not at him!!). If he’s into toy trains, in the name of the Lord, don’t mock him, but learn about toy trains.  If you want to keep him, just do it.  It won’t kill you and if you’re too lazy or disinterested to learn his interests then don’t complain if some other gal does.  Don’t pull him into your interests, go to his.  Don’t be proud, just do it.

C) Men crave encouragement and flattery.  What on earth is the possible benefit of criticizing a man?  How could it possibly ever reward you?  Don’t do it.  Ever!  It is the road to hell.  Find a way to communicate what you want to communicate in a positive way.  Make the problem seem easy to fix.  And, if you must communicate anything that is not praise, then sandwich that comment between two other compliments.  “Baby, your shoes look great…I don’t know about that shirt tonight…it usually looks so good on you…and your haircut is just right.”  Seems like a lot of work.  Well, so is a divorce.

So there you have it ladies!  Blunt and to the point…what do you think?

This article was written by a male matchmaker/date coach who wishes to remain anonymous.  Thank you for giving us this male pov!

In my opinion, I think the ladies go through some of these very same issues!


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