In Search Of My Final First Date

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jenn-blogWritten by: Jennifer Cederquist

In Search Of My Final First Date©

It’s what the majority of singles are seeking — the end of the dating game and the beginning of a lasting relationship.  We explore every avenue that sounds promising, while at the same time we tire of putting forth such effort.  The use of internet dating sites becomes a part time job.  Blind dates turn into interviews.  The whole process of finding a soul mate starts to take on a clinical feel.  Yet, what alternative is there?  Do we simply rely on a chance encounter while we go about our busy lives?  With every passing new years eve, we proclaim that this will be the year it will happen!   But it doesn’t, and yet another year has gone by.  We do need to be proactive in this area, because luck doesn’t always happen when it comes to finding love.

Having worked as a membership counselor and dating consultant for the past 21 years, I have gained much insight into the single person’s psyche.  Yes, there are differences in the way men think as opposed to women, but they both experience similar frustrations that go along with being single.  They both are lonely, have been cheated on by former loves and have insecurities as well as self-doubt.  Neither knows just how to proceed in order to find a fulfilling relationship.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what avenue is used to date, we need to proceed with confidence.  Even if the ideal person is placed directly in front of us, we won’t be able to pique that person’s interest if we are not behaving in an attractive manner.  Some of us may not have outgoing personalities, so we need to make a concerted effort to smile more.  We need to appear happy, positive and fun-loving! Men and women are always more drawn to those who exude a positive self image.  Negativity kills desire. We need to dress to captivate the opposite sex.   We cannot use the excuse of “I’m comfortable the way I am.” Sure, we may be comfortable, but are we truly happy?  We need to step out of our comfort zones and make moderate changes.  We should never alter our core selves, but we do need to modify certain aspects of ourselves in order to entice interest from another.

My advice to women:  Don’t leave your house looking shabby NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE GOING!  That chance encounter could happen anywhere, including the grocery store, jogging trail or dry cleaners.  Men have told me countless times that they always notice a woman who takes pride in her appearance.

For men:  The same rules apply.  Leave your home looking like you feel great about who you are.  Wearing jeans and a t-shirt is fine as long as your clothes are clean and have a flattering fit.  Women are most attracted to a man’s self confident demeanor.  Feeling good about how you look can lead to that projection of confidence.

The golden rule which applies to both sexes:  Do not ask or expect from another, more than what you have to offer.  In other words, be realistic about who you are and who you are looking to connect with.  If you have a high school education, don’t make it a requirement that your ideal mate have a college degree.  If you have children, be open to dating someone who also has children and if you are overweight, please don’t expect to attract someone in peak physical condition.  These are just a few examples of where I’ve seen many singles go wrong.

Finally, don’t stop trying!  I have worked at several national dating services and they do work for those with realistic expectations.  I met my fiance at one of them and we never would have crossed paths otherwise.  Exposure to single, available men and women is essential.  If you feel worn out on the internet sites, try something different.  The bricks and mortar services are considerably more costly to join than online dating sites, but they tend to attract a more commitment-minded person, not to mention financially stable.  If you have a particular hobby or interest that you are passionate about, investigate singles groups that may be structured around that particular activity.  Stop doing anything that begins to feel like work.  Dating should be fun and interesting!  Meeting new people should be looked at as an adventure, not a duty.

In summary, remember to always project confidence and optimism.  Be realistic in your aspirations, expect a wonderful person to come into your life and put some effort into making that happen.  Make the necessary adjustments in behavior and appearance and before long, you will notice an amazing and positive change in your social life!

About Jennifer:

jennJennifer Cederquist is a professional dating consultant as well as a membership counselor in Michigan for a national matchmaking service. She has worked in the dating industry for the past 21 years and has helped numerous singles find love. As a consultant, she offers guidance to singles who want to fine tuning their dating skills, in one on one sessions. To contact Jennifer send her and email to:

Thanks for your article Jenn!  Great advice we all need to keep in mind….





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3 Responses to “In Search Of My Final First Date”

  1. Miss MatchMaker

    Thanks for your article Jenn! This is the same thing I preach every day to my clients!!!


  2. bobby

    I think she has some great points. I believe being yourself, clean and well groomed are actually most important. I agree to not give up, but would add maybe to not try too hard either.

    Thanks for sharing this article :)

  3. Trishy

    But what if you LOVE the first dates ! ?
    lol ~ loving the dating scene still :)
    miss u,
    Stranded in Boston….

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