Comments on: Men and the Dreaded Pull Back Phase

By: ehw

ehw — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 22:56:33 +0000

Hi:)
Thank you for talking about this, I have just learned about this part of a man`s emotional make up in a book, Men are from MARS Women are from VENUS by John Gray. I just happened to come across this site in my Google search for Porch Swings, I live in Norway so they are not that common here and I have always wanted to have one of those…anyway I read Miss Matchmaker`s blogg about the Porch Swing Test and it helped me to get an anwser I needed about a man I have, a little to my own surprise, been in love with for a very, very long time…
And, yes, my situation falls under the, “It`s complicated” category, then I read Heidi`s blogg and it just confirmed what I have `known`all along… I have been with my husband for 15 years and been married for going on 8 years plus 2 children… I am also the typical “Caregiver”…but I have learned to set boundries and just planely not give a damn about whatever…sometimes, and smile because I deserve to do so:)
I have always been the one to be patient and be grateful for my life, so far,an for what it has challeged me with and thougth me, and I find myself in the situation that I beleive with my whole, broken, heart what James commented about this “Pullback” thing that men do and that it could also be because they really do feel that they have no control over the situation they suddenly find themselves in…
Thank you James for telling me what I have in my heart suspected about the man I have lost my heart to, circumstance and other commitments to work and our private lives have made it difficult to even consider trying to be together, but he is the man I see myself on that porch swing with despite the the fact that he and I have only dared to acknowledge the intense emotional and physical attraction we have had for each other for 10 years and we have tried to ignore it and go on with our own ” seperate” lives…we have only talked on the phone and he dosen`t call or send a text and I try to understand and be patient, but I too get frustrated even if I `know`why he is acting like this all I feel is sorry for him and sad because I know that love is a gift that we sometimes are not allowed to have or to keep so letting go is the best thing we can do, and it is so damned hard…those of you that are single are the lucky ones, it is still not accepted to be otherwise `happily married` and find yourself in love with the man who actually does respect and love you enough to pullback and leave you wondering, thinking the worst about him because your head and your heart do not agree with each other…I know `Butterflies don`t lie`and at the end of the day I can only dream of sitting on a porch swing knowing that only `Love remains` and be grateful for the experience of feeling something I had never felt before I met him and ignored the fact that my heart thumped like thunder, but I let my fears and common sense dictate my decisions…

By: James

James — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 06:10:25 +0000

Awesome advice Heidi, I believe it is imperative for the ladies to never compromise their standards and never settle. If a man is not able or willing to treat you the way you deserve to be treated then it is time to move on. Do give him some breathing space but not too much. It is easy to get overly attached and to create expectations that are not healthy. You are spot on when you said that you teach us how to treat you. If you do not keep to your standards then we will not treat you with respecy and love.
I would like to add one more reason for the pullback. If we men feel that we are falling for you too hard, we may pull back because we feel we are losing control. Control over our feelings, control over the situation , and yes, even control over you, A lot of us need to feel that we are the dominant one and if we feel that is being lost , well, you know

By: Zian Harrington

Zian Harrington — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 21:41:29 +0000

I liked this. She a gave a real perspective on what it is like for women to experience when they become with a guy that they like.

By: Deacon

Deacon — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 23:17:33 +0000

The biggest reason, according to my own experience and that of about half a dozen of my friends is simply that we feel taken for granted.

Not much more to it than that.

By: Heidi Bilonick

Heidi Bilonick — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 04:47:06 +0000

Hi Ladies! Thank you all for your feedback. YES…dated a loser who did the dance for way too long! Trouble was…I let him. After all, “You teach people how to treat you!” So, I ended it! Now, after a long time of being single…I am in another relationship. Trouble is…they ALL go through it. So, I will continue to take my own advice. LOL!!!!! Keep me posted and email me at hbilonick@aol.com! To you lovely ladies!
Coach Heidi

By: Bleu

Bleu — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 18:31:16 +0000

I wish I knew half as much as you about men……………..Are you married? In a relationship? You’re brilliant……..lol

By: Betty

Betty — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 05:36:00 +0000

Men are idiots!

By: DW

DW — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:10:19 +0000

I do believe women go through this too!

By: Destin Girl

Destin Girl — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:09:34 +0000

I hate this pull back phase! Countless times I have been through this and it never gets easier…

By: Trish

Trish — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:18:21 +0000

Welcome to my world of dating, this “pull-back” crap is for the birds,
It is wise to be aware it could happen and be prepared ~!
Interesting stuff….
and Go with It!

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:09:45 +0000

Great advice Heidi! I know this pull back phase can be very tough for women. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to walk both friends and clients through this! I am looking forward to more posts from you.

xoxo~