Unconscious Communication ~ Body Language

So much can be said without saying a word.  Some research even suggests over 80% of what we communicate is non-verbal.  Understanding some of the key elements of basic body language can help you to date more successfully.  Becoming more aware of the body language you are putting out can help you with not only flirting but in attracting the right person by sending the appropriate signals.  Learning to interpret these unconscious indicators can take some of the guess work out of dating and help to determine if the feelings are mutual.

The number one thing to remember when studying body language is to look for clusters.  Don’t ever make an assumption based on one element of what you interpret someones body to be speaking.  Her arms may be crossed because she is actually cold.

We all know that maintaining eye contact is a good thing but while you are doing it there is one thing you should be paying attentions to, their pupils.  A good sign that someone is really interested in you is an increase in pupil size.  The eyes can’t lie.  I have yet to master the skill of regulating my pupil size and that is probably a good thing!

Look at where you are “pointing.”  When a you point your feet, toes, shoulders and even hips towards the other person this is saying you are interested in who they are and what they have to say.  This is giving them the green light to keep going.  If you see someone in a social setting and they are pointing towards you this means it is okay to approach especially when it is done after you have exchanged eye contact for 3-4 seconds.

Self grooming behaviors such as a women fixing her hair or a man picking a piece of lint off his shirt are also green lights.  It is human nature to want to look our best when we are with someone we feel attracted to.

Modeling or mirroring behavior is another good sign that shows interest.  When you catch someone following your positive body language it is definitely a plus.  Try this at work or at a social setting first to get a good feel for it.  If they place their hand on the table, wait 3-4 seconds and you place your hand on the table.  Keep mirroring hand placement and they will keep talking to you.

There are so many things you can learn about body language and the messages we are conveying.  Take the time to educate yourself and see what a difference it can make in your confidence, dating and relationships.

Most importantly, remember to smile.  We are all so much more attractive when we are smiling!

Examples from ABC News:


  • Be self-aware. It’s the No. 1 most important fact to know what signals you are sending.
  • Smile. It’s infectious.
  • Hair flipping or primping is a known turn on. “We might be playing with our hair, but we’re really saying, look at me. Those are the little signals that hit off on a man’s paternal instincts,” she explained to “GMA.”
  • Be more open.
  • Be engaged.
  • Stand tall and hold your head high.
  • Look your interest in the eye and break eye contact by looking down and looking back up.
  • Touch as often as possible on nonsexual areas.
  • Wear natural scents such as vanilla and lavender.
  • Expose your wrists — they are but one of several erogenous zones.
  • Point your body in his direction.
  •  Tilt your head to the left (studies show this is more sexually attractive).
  • Nod your head when he is speaking.



  • Limit texting, as it is a one-person sport.
  • No sitting on your hands.
  • Hunched shoulders are a turn off.
  • Dart your eyes all over the room – it makes you look insecure.
  • Cross your arms in front of your body (not only does it indicate you are defensive, but studies have found we absorb less information when we close  our body language).
  • Keep your hands in your pockets.
  • Stand with your legs crossed (scissor stand).
  • Get too close until you gauge his interest.
  • Don’t rub your hands together.
  • Rub or touch your nose.
  • Slouch in a chair.


He is interested if …

  • He looks at you and his eyebrows go up – this indicates interest
  • His pupils dilate (recognize lighting).
  • His lips part slightly.
  • He looks you up and down slowly.
  • You are his sole focus of attention (you are the only one in the room, metaphorically).
  • He touches himself, anywhere, while looking at you (runs his hands through his hair, fixes his socks, brushes his suit jacket, etc.).
  • A shoulder flash (which is a speedy lifting of the shoulders) conveys interest by demonstrating harmlessness.
  • Posturing — erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
  • Leans his upper body toward you.



p.s.  If you feel you may need a little push in the right direction visit my Personal Services Page to determine how I may be able to help!

Are you ready to take the first step and start meeting other relationship minded people?  Would you like help in determining the best way to go about it?  Click the button below so we can make a proactive plan of action!


Don’t miss another post…If you haven’t already, subscribe now!

MissMatchMaker's - Blogs



16 Responses to “Unconscious Communication ~ Body Language”

  1. bobby

    I saw a youtube video the other day that went into all kinds of detail about body language. After 10 minutes of watching, I felt I would need an associates degree just to understand lol

    Thanks for the tips :)

  2. Miss MatchMaker

    Any time Bobby! It can be confusing at times but it is worth knowing the basics.


  3. Carla

    I’m gonna be single forever, ugh. Thanks Match

  4. Miss MatchMaker

    Carla that is not true! You need to have more of a positive attitude. Think of it as a challenge and when you are ready you will obtain your goal!!


  5. Trish

    I was an expert at a young age to “reel them in” using my spanish eyes.
    It worked!
    As an adult, single, in her mid-thirtys, I feel silly and more shy in social situations trying to attract a man across the room with my eyes. It does take more conversations, and as you said “true body language and pose: ” to communicate the fact that I may or may not be interested….
    Body language is more important than ever in todays world. A friend of mine recently attended my 3rd grader’s birthday party. She did not say a word to anyone, and walked around with her arms crossed. Was she angry? Depressed? acting snobby? I am leaving it be, for personal reasons, but sometimes body language can be hard to read!
    My Boyfriend of 8 months seems to have GREAT body language and listening skills, but when he opens his mouth it’s nothing but bitching and complaining.
    Hey, isn’t that the woman’s Job?
    Thanks for the great blog. It’s been something I’ve been thinking of myself!

  6. Trish

    Hey it’s me again; just wanted to see if my gravatar popped up.

  7. Miss MatchMaker

    Hey Trish, thanks for stopping by! When we were in college I think we were very much unaware of the specifics but instinctively knew exactly what we were doing! I think back then we were so invincible it just didn’t matter and we knew what worked LOL but you are right…it does take a bit more now-a-days!


  8. Destin Girl

    I never really took the time to study body language until recently and I am so glad I did! It helps me with dating and in my career on a daily basis. I think it has made me more confident because when you can get a good handle on a persons body language then you can tell where to go next or to not waste your time. Great advise Miss Matchmaker I will be sure to subscribe!

  9. Miss MatchMaker

    Thanks Destin Girl. I look forward to seeing you around! I think that most people are subconsciously aware of body language but when you take the time to learn it then it can make a world of difference on your total communication skills.


  10. Justin

    Interesting read Miss MatchMaker – I’m intrigued by the mirroring behaviour.

  11. Miss MatchMaker

    Justin, thanks for stopping by! Sorry I haven’t had much time to interact on my old forum but you know how it is…


  12. Kara

    I know I’ve got alot to work on. I just get so shy when a guy walks over to me. But I will try what you said! Thank you!

  13. Miss MatchMaker

    Girl you are going to be just fine under my wing!


  14. Doc

    So much to learn ~ great advice!

    Doc’s last blog post..Amen to the Obesity Tax, Let’s Just Call it Something Else

  15. Back to Basics : MissMatchMaker

    [...] voice. Watch body language and be sure the person is open to the discussion at hand. A person’s unconscious communication can be very [...]

  16. google


    Google http://www.google.com

Feel free to leave a comment...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!

CommentLuv badge
MySpace Tracker