How to Be Your Own Matchmaker

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Dan SilvermanOn November 7th, I will be discussing this topic in greater detail in my interview with Denise Levy. You can sign up for it here. My name is Dan Silverman and I have been a dating coach for a decade. I transitioned into the matchmaking game over two years ago because I got very good at meeting people and teaching others how to meet. I met my last girlfriend at the mall and even recorded the encounter on Youtube. I dated her for 4 years.

For most people, just getting out of the house can be extremely difficult. Others are just terrible at finding good dating partners. Many people would rather pay a matchmaker a lot of money to do the work for them and I don’t blame them. However, if you don’t have the money to pay a matchmaker, or really want to find someone yourself, this will be a short, but definitive guide on how to do so.

1. Understand what it is you want.

If you don’t know what you want, you will undoubtedly end up with what you don’t. This is a really important concept to understand because it will determine where you will go to meet people, what kind of questions to ask prospective dates in order to screen them. You also need to know if what you are looking for is realistic or a shiny unicorn that only exists in fiction.

Women have a much tougher time with this because women tend to create a massive list of what they want in a partner. I recommend cutting that list to no more than 5 things. When you’ve cut that list, only keep the intrinsic qualities of a partner and remove all the superficial factors. If you honestly do not know what you want in a partner, start figuring it out by writing a list of what you absolutely will not tolerate in a relationship then turn those negative qualities into positive qualities. For example, if you cannot stand dishonesty and a lack of communication in a relationship, write: has integrity and is communicative.

2. Go to places where these kind of people congregate.

Night clubs and bars are fun places to go to meet people, but unless you are looking for alcoholics or party animals, it’s probably not the most efficient way to meet potential partners. These sorts of people frequent nightclubs and bars on a regular basis. That’s not to say you can’t meet your next love at a club or a bar, it’s just not as likely. See, when two people meet and they just have amazing chemistry and/or compatibility, that’s insanely lucky. Not impossible, just lucky. The whole idea is to make luck work for you. Make it as likely as possible to meet someone compatible with you by putting yourself in front of as many people that are most likely to be compatible with you. If you really like professional or entrepreneurial people, go to networking events. If you want to meet introverted or shy people, go to speed dating or book festivals. If you want someone religious, there are plenty of events thrown at religious institutions all the time. I guarantee that if you put serious effort into scouting these places and making the effort to talk to people, odds are greatly in your favor to meet someone. You must be diligent and go out. If this sounds like too much work and you don’t like the idea of socializing, then go online. However, online dating should be used as a supplement and not your main source of meeting people. It’s very easy for people to lie online. You can get a much better idea of a person when they are right in front of you.

3. Approach as many people who interest you as possible.

Some women are not comfortable with the idea of approaching men, and while I understand we live in a society that hasn’t fully accepted women doing the approaching, you can still make great leeway by being as receptive as possible to approaching.

If you’re a man, you have to do the approaching. I am a person who approaches strangers on a constant basis. I can only count the number of women who have approached me interested in dating me less than a handful of times. If your strategy is to wait for a woman to come to you, you will die alone. Approach every woman you see that piques your interest. Chances are, she will not be interested and that’s cool. It’s a part of the game, but all you need is for one of them to say “yes” and you got a date. Let’s give yourself a conservative guess and say maybe 5% of women you like would date you. That means, if you approach 20 women, one of them is bound to like you. You could easily meet 20 women over a weekend of going out. If you did it each week, by the end of the month, you will have 4 different women you could be dating.

Ladies, if you want more men to approach you, you’ve got to make it as easy to approach you as possible. Guys don’t want to get rejected. They won’t approach you if they think they will be bothering you. Too many women put up fronts or emotional walls around them when they are out. I understand you do this because you don’t want jerks or weirdoes approaching you, but let me tell you a fact. Only jerks would bother to approach a woman who looks like she doesn’t want to be talked to. Put on a smile, open up your body language, face the crowd instead of away, don’t surround yourself with people making it hard to approach, and never go out with another man if you want to meet men. Most men will think your male friend is your boyfriend. If you do go out with your male friend, make sure he is willing to leave you alone so you can talk to guys.

This is as simple of a guide as I can make to be your own matchmaker, but I understand that there can be a lot of anxiety and emotional barriers that may prevent you from doing this as effectively as you possibly can. I offer dating coaching to help you overcome the fear of approaching, how to see red flags, screen potential lovers, and give you a personal strategy guide on how to increase the odds that you will meet someone. Again, my name is Dan Silverman, The Miami Matchmaker. Please feel free to stop on over to my website and have a browse! Also, don’t forget to listen to my interview with Denise on November 7th at 7:00 PM Central / 8:00 PM Eastern Time at!

Dan Silverman,

The Miami Matchmaker






Thank you for joining us Dan!  Great advice my friend!


p.s.  If you feel you may need a little push in the right direction visit my Personal Services Page to determine how I may be able to help!

Are you ready to take the first step and start meeting other relationship minded people?  Would you like help in determining the best way to go about it?  Click the button below so we can make a proactive plan of action!


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