Dating Tips for The Relationship Minded Person: First Date Do’s and Dont’s

bad date

In today’s society, dating can be frustrating or fun, it’s your choice.  Finding the right person that you actually want to spend time with has become a bit more difficult.  With online dating being so prominent you would think it would be easier to find the one but it has actually made it more difficult with fake profiles, old photos and exaggerations.  What has changed the most is not only us but society and our overwhelming number of options.  I believe it has made us more judgmental, and let’s face it, first dates are not so easy, why would you judge someone based on only one interaction.  It is always good have the ability to spot a phony but please be careful not to dismiss a genuine person who is truly looking for a relationship and may just be a little clumsy at first.

Once you have agreed to go out with someone start by having a plan and be sure your date knows what that plan is so they can dress and prepare appropriately.  Don’t be wishy washy with “what do you want to do”  or “I don’t care, what do you want to do….”  Have a clear and concise plan so you both know what to expect.

First dates can be very nerve racking.  So do yourself a favor and skip dinner!  Dinner dates do not make for the best first date.  You sit across the table from each other and the interrogation begins.  You are wondering if you have food in your teeth while answering questions about your last relationship, divorce etc.  One of you (or even both) is going to be nervous so I suggest you do something fun!  Skip the typical dinner date and go do something where you can laugh a little.  Go play miniature golf, bowling, ride the go karts, or even go to an arcade.  Think about the things we did as kids that were fun and get creative.  This helps to lighten up the mood and the nervousness won’t be so bad when you are laughing and actually enjoying an activity as well as the other person’s company.  It also helps to keep the conversation more light hearted.

Stay away from discussion topics such as the ex, previous dates, the divorce or anything negative.  Lets face it if all those things were positive you wouldn’t be sitting there with the new person you just met.  Stick with topics that are comfortable, your taste in music, the last good book you read, your favorite movie, vacation or adventure.  People tend to open up more when the conversation is of a positive nature.  Try to be interested and interesting!  No one likes a “Negative Neil or Debbie Downer!”  Listen and ask easygoing questions.  You are on a date so have fun, keep the conversation positive, be present and try to make the other person comfortable.

Stay away from topics such as religion and politics or anything else that a person may have strong opinions on that could very well be the opposite of yours.  You will have plenty of time to get to know that person better on future dates, so just take your time and see if you get along on the simple things for starters.

Don’t tell your life story!  Revealing your inner most secrets can lead to a quick rejection.  Relationship take time and that is what dating is for so don’t put it all out on the table on your first date.  You will have plenty of time to discuss these things as you get to know the person better over time.  Besides, everyone loves a little mystery!

The greatest compliment you can give someone is your full attention.  With that in mind the very first rule of first dates is pay attention!  Turn off your cell phone, if at all possible and be present for the other person.  If they agreed to go out with you respect their time and stop checking your phone, responding to text or posting on facebook!  Let me repeat that:  The greatest compliment you can give someone is your full attention!

In summary, always present the very best version of your true authentic self.  Do not lie, over exaggerate or be anything false just because you think it may impress the other person.  The truth always comes out in the end. Be punctual, dress neat and appropriately for the occasion.  Avoid liquid courage and keep it to a two drink minimum.  Whatever you do, please do not expect sex from a first date.  This just gives the impression you are interested on a hook up not a relationship.

Try not to judge the person from just one date.  Go out a few times before you determine if they are relationship worthy. Worst case scenario you meet a new friend and who knows, that person may introduce you to someone you are more suited for.  Dismissing someone after one date is truly the biggest mistake I see people make.  I hear all the excuses but mostly “there just wasn’t any chemistry” and to be honest after one date you don’t have enough knowledge to make that decision.  Sometimes chemistry happens over time and sometimes initial chemistry leads only to sex and not necessarily a relationship.  Don’t be so quick to judge.

On the flip side of that, try not to figure out if the person you just met is marriage material!  One of the things that can be a big turn off is when someone you just met is mentally moving in and planning your wedding.  Desperation is not sexy.

One last tip:  Learn how to compliment.  People put effort into getting ready for a date so take the time to compliment the other person and mean it!  Not just “I like your sweater” but “I like how your sweater brings out the color of your eyes.” Learning how to properly compliment may just be the key to a second date.


p.s.  If you feel you may need a little push in the right direction visit my Personal Services Page to determine how I may be able to help!

Are you ready to take the first step and start meeting other relationship minded people?  Would you like help in determining the best way to go about it?  Click the button below so we can make a proactive plan of action!


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