Comments on: Caregiver Syndrome

By: The Rage

The Rage — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 19:06:40 +0000

If I didn’t know better, the actual term caregiver has been grossly missued here. I think of caregiver as someone who SELF-LESS-LY gives their time and effort to those , whether 2 or 4 legged who are victims of circumstances beyond their individual controls. .

What I’m hearing described here is more what is actually called the “Wendy Effect”, IE Wendy from “Peter Pan”. Wendy was attracted to Peter Pan because he was free, would never grow up, BUT wanted to change him into something she probably never would’ve been attracted to in the first place. Be honest here. This is all about very CONDITIONAL love. I give only to GET. It is also a very SELFISH, and cruel form of CONTROL for the simple purpose of fufilling the wants and needs of the so-called giver. It is the epitome of “condescencion”..You don’t actually want to share anything with these people., You want to change and control them…EXPLOIT the vulnerable.

This is SMOTHER LOVE at it’s WORST!!

How DARE you MIS-USE the term CAREGIVER. YOU trash the name of those noble souls who give up career and their own interests to care for an elderly parent, usually single-handedly. OR a sick child/spouse. Who often are scorned for “caring” so much….You willfully and wantonly confuse the Agape Love good works of missionaries and animal rescuers with those who are deep down want to feel “warn and fuzzy about themselves”.

Pharisees!!.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:11:30 +0000

I definetly take this comment to heart. I am one of those people. The best feeling in a relationship is knowing that someone else cares and that you don’t have to go through things by yourself.

By: Henry

Henry — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 01:54:45 +0000

Thank you for addressing this,truly appreciated!

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:15:19 +0000

I love you too sweet girl!!!

xoxo~

By: alli

alli — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:11:11 +0000

love you miss matchmaker.

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:58:24 +0000

If I didnt know better, I would think was written for me………

Love ya!

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 23:25:59 +0000

Michelle this is one of the hardest things about being a caregiver – passing it on to your children. What they see growing up for relationship role models has a tremendous effect on how they will behave in their relationships. I am glad to hear that you have figured it all out. Hopefully Valorie will as well!

xoxo~

By: michelle

michelle — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:40:33 +0000

i’m still dealing with my issues as *caregiver* , though i eventually learned to differentiate my need to give with true love, valorie has yet to make that distinction … oh well…

[valorie is my daughter who seems to pick guys that had no relationship with their fathers and mothers who had their own agenda that didn't include being involved in their sons lives --- her husband is currently struggling with an addiction to crack]

ps… i went into teaching and she is a nurse … talk about needing to be needed …

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:35:26 +0000

Sounds like you are a classic caregiver Daaz! Hopefully recognizing it will now help you make better choices when it comes to relationships. I am glad to hear you are going into nursing. This will help to focus your caregiver mentality in a positive manner! Good luck to you!

xoxo~

By: Daaz

Daaz — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:30:40 +0000

I just got out of a relationship just like that, in fact, exactly. I am an EMT, and i met my now ex at a party. She was the most broken thing on the property.

We were together for 3 years, and i admit she is a great girl, i still love her to death. But i can admit it was defiantly a lot of work (i dont regret it, but it was hard work…)

Taking her into the psych wing every 4 months, taking her to ECT apointments, helping with episodes… oh man.

Now that its over i cant wait to get a motorcycle, go back to school for nursing, do all these things i put on hold for the last 3 years.

I just hope she can learn how to fend for herself. I guess noone can hold her hand forever, and she needs time on her own to discover herself, find out she can do more then she thinks she can, and live her life for her, from her.

Oy.

Oh, and the relationship i was in before her was a horrible meeting of two care givers, it only lasted 11 months…ended because we both wanted to save each other so hard we couldnt work on each other, or our selves, and it was the worst break up of my life.

This last one is going fine. We are living together, and its like having an awkward roomate. i move in 6 weeks.

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:29:18 +0000

IFLYDN!

xoxo~

By: Dr. Nicole Sundene

Dr. Nicole Sundene — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 04:59:05 +0000

Ummm…”no comment” lol

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:31:17 +0000

Maybe she just wasn’t ready…

xoxo~

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:14:42 +0000

I have a few friends that are caregivers and it is really sad to watch them go through men that are just no good for them. I tried setting one of them up with a “nice guy” but she had no interest and went bad to picking the wrong ones.

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 05:36:05 +0000

Well maybe now you will have a better understanding the next time you date a woman who is a caregiver DW.

xoxo~

By: DW

DW — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 05:29:57 +0000

I dated a nurse a few years ago and I remember her telling me about all the bad relationships she had been in and I always wondered why she picked such losers. We didn’t date for very long, maybe I was to normal for her?

By: Miss MatchMaker

Miss MatchMaker — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 04:55:15 +0000

It sounds like you figured it out just in time Tina.

xoxo~

By: Tina

Tina — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 04:53:09 +0000

This is so true! I have always been a caregiver until I finally realized how bad my choices were. I love how you just spell it all out because so many people don’t even realize this is a problem until it is to late.